Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
