I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
