Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
