Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
