so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
