Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
