Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Found your dick twin last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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