cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
