It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
