I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
