Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I will die if light touches me.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay