Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple