I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.