I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.