dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at about main and main street
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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