Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
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She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina