my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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