i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
