i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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