Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My bed smells like the plague
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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