OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
