I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
