Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
