Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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