Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
