I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
