I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
