Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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