The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
