saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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