I think my fart just growled at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
