you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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