He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
