Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
