I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
