I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
