nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
