so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
