Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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