Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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