"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
God, I missed his penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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