Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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