You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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