you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
