Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i now understand why vodka
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
