i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
