all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
