i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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