You made me cry and you don't even care
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
