he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
