He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
