There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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