words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
