At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
