so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
