If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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