now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
