I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
