Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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