my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
