dude i'm inner monologue high
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
