I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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