maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
