he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
