Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just threw up on my dentist
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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