I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
