sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
