Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
