everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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