So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
