Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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