I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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