im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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