Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
